No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
