Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my phone needs a breathalizer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
