Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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