do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
