first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to make a zoo with you.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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