your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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