I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize