so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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