Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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