Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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