Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize