im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
