I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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