You're so nebulous sometimes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
