I hate your face
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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