how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
