she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
