I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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