ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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