shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
