whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
