He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
