We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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