he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
