What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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