This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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