You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
