Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
