OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
