what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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