This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
