If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I could make wine with my vomit
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
