I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
