At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
