I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
