Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
