It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize