Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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