our cab driver is having phone sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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