For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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