Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
