I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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