I wish my penis had an off switch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
