dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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