You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
