I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
