ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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