Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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