so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
