I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
