He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize