sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
