i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I did not marry a roomba.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
