He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
