Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize