Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
