guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
