After last night, I could never be a politician.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize