So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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