so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
