Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
