I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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