I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
