8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
