Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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