I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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