i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
