I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
