she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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