Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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