if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
