you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
