Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
third nipple confirmed
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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