FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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