I want to make a zoo with you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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