I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize