I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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