dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
