When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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